so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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