It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
