the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
