all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
