I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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