I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If I die, sorry about rent.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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