you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
