I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
ttyl tear gas
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
