Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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