we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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