pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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