I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
