this beer tastes like vomit already
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
