Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
