babies were throwing up all over the place
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
