So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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