He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
