guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I need to calm my uterus...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
