What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
