we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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