Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
