so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
