so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
