so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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