No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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