Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
