Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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