we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
