She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
