My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
