Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
