Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize