So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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