woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She bit a glass in half.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
