I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
