i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
