Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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