im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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