I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
try to milk me bitch
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