I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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