my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Are my feet made of real feet?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
