He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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