Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
