I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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