She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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