I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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