He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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