i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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