dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
