They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
