Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
