Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize