Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize