If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Im part way to drunk.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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