mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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