So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
