When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
