Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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