so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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