you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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