they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
