Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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