this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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