Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
